lovelikeheloves

Love Always

Resistance

on August 17, 2014

I never wanted to be a teacher. I come from a family of teachers but that profession never appealed to me. Don’t get me wrong, I think teachers are amazing. I went on a field trip with my nephew’s kindergarten class and I remember thinking, “man, I don’t know how she [his teacher] does it. There’s just so many of them. God bless her.” I love kids, I just don’t think I could teach them. Well, you know what they say, ‘never say never,’ especially to God. (I know that last part isn’t part of the saying but I have found it to be true).

I knew I would be teaching when I applied to be a volunteer but I thought “eh, I’ll learn” or “God will give me the graces I need to do His work.” I came down here with what I thought was an open mind and open heart ready to learn. I was not ready for the resistance I felt once I got to the school. For the past two weeks we’ve been having workshops and setting up the classrooms to prepare for the upcoming school year. While it may not sound like hard work, I had a really difficult time with it. This came as a surprise to me because I was so excited to come here and spread some l-o-v-e. I found myself with negative thoughts, with a lot of doubt, and a lot of worries.

My thoughts had turned from “God will give me the graces I need” to “I don’t know that I want be here a whole year.” Insecurities flooded my thoughts and I felt as if I could do nothing about it. I struggled to understand what was going on in my heart. Why was I all of a sudden such a negative Nancy?? Why would I come and try help teach when I’m not even a teacher?? Where did my desire to serve go?? I was praying about these feelings but I felt as if nothing was happening. I was still having these feelings and was getting frustrated. I knew that these thoughts I was having were lies from the evil one and I was entertaining his lies. He knows how to get into our heads to try and distance us from God. But of course, God is just amazing and wouldn’t just leave me to fend for myself! He showed himself to me in different ways during this time. Whether it was through the smile of one the kids, a line in the book I was reading, or in the mountains we walk past on our way home, I knew He was there. He had never left my side.

I started to feel a little less resistance each day. Sure, sometimes the enemy still tries to tell me lies but I respond with “nu-uh, not me Satan, I am a daughter of the living God” or simply with “Jesus I need you.” So if you’re like me and struggle with the voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough or tells you anything other than how deeply loved you are, know that it is a lie from the devil. Say a quick prayer or even just the name of Jesus and know that you are deeply loved by someone who died to know you.

In my almost 3 weeks here I’ve repeated this quote quite often:

The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you

I trust that God has my back and that He wouldn’t lead me here and then leave me hanging. He loves me too much. 🙂

Soooo, school starts on tomorrow and I’m excited to start working with the kiddos! I’ll be a teaching assistant in the 4-5 year old classroom in the morning and with the 3 year olds in the afternoon. Even though I miss my niece and nephews so much, I’m excited to be working with little ones that’ll remind me of them and all their craziness. I’m eager to get to know them and love on them (in a totally non creepy way haha). A lot of them haven’t been given a lot of affection or love so if I totally screw up the teaching thing, I at least want them to know that there are people in this world who do love them and that there is a God who loves them unfailingly. As the song Here I am Lord says:

Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord.
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

Love always,
Gabby

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One response to “Resistance

  1. Gloria Alamiz says:

    Que bueno que de tus miedos y de tu antipatia a la pedagogia sacas fuerza y que te encomiendas a Jesus quien todo lo ve y lo puede. Cada vez que Leo tu blog mi corazon llora de alegria al saber que tu estas dando lo mejor de ti a toda esa gente nesecitada. Que Dios nuestro senor te acompane en cada momento te cuide y te proteja de todo mal. Mi admiracion y respeto para to Gabi! Cuidate mucho!!! Te quiero mucho. Besos y abrazos ☺ Camay💕

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